Hello there unfaithful

so hello.
this is my private blog
for my feelings, my thoughts or whatever random stuff which i want to let out .

so today i feel fucking bad & stupid. like i messed up my english exam really badly.which thus made me fail the paper.
english. the subject which i scored A for last year & now im flunking it. which then made me wonder if my ego got in the way. like ok, im just too complacent at times. it sucks when you look at your friend whom you know you can beat & then lose out .
& somehow, i dont think im doing my job as a vice chair well. like yeah i know beatrice is damn good chairperson, so the bar is "up there" and i have to measure up.
theres so much responsibility.i have to be a role model,in academics and all. with my lackadaisical attitude now, i suck & i know i do just that my friends dont say anything

then after school i had a tournament thingy. well after that N thought that i was gonna meet him for dinner but actually i could only meet him for a short while cuz he kept on telling me see how when i asked him if we were gonna hang
see how. he meant that if his teamates were gonna dinner he was most probably gonna go with them and not meet me. i mean yeah its abit unfair for me like im hanging on a loose thread not knowing if im gonna drop. so i called my mum and told he rthat i was going home for dinner.
which led N to meet me for a very short when he could have a nice dinner with me ):
like yeahh, time isnt our buddy .

he felt bad when i told him about why we didnt have dinner.cuz of the see how stuff
well ellen, your quite a lousy girlfriend .like why didnt you wait.
so i've decided to be a better girlfriend to N. i promise
another thing, be a better person

rachel feels im using her as a spare tyre. well rachel,im not. i fucking swear, i mean why would i.
though i dont talk to you the way i talk to michelle. you should know that i treasure you as a friend. michelle is my childish friend, your the one i turn to talk about mature stuff
well thats my say about stufff

ai ya now your goal is to ACE O LEVELS.
work on your relationship
and work to be a better person